Asel,
I can tell from your letter that you are repentant of your sin, how much more do you think that God knows? He knows everything about you, He created you, that is why He knows what you have done and said and the reasons for your actions.

If you have apologised to God and asked for His forgiveness (and you obviously meant it from your heart), BELIEVE that you have received his forgiveness. You don't need to see or feel the change - FAITH believes that what God has said He will do.

Cath.